Understanding the Early Signs of Autism

Let’s talk about one of the biggest questions I get from parents and therapists:

What are the early signs of autism, and what do they actually look like in real life?

Spoiler alert: It’s not as simple as a checklist, and it’s definitely not about looking for deficits. 

While every child is unique, there are some patterns and differences in communication, social-emotional development, sensory preferences, and play behaviors that can signal a child might be autistic. 

Let’s break these down so you know what to look for and how to support these kids.

Communication Differences

One of the earliest signs parents notice is differences in language and communication. For some autistic children, their first words might include letters, numbers, or even colors, compared to neurotypical children who often use everyday words like “mama” or “ball.”

In some cases, autistic children might seem extremely chatty, talking a lot—but here’s the difference: much of their speech may not be directed toward anyone. Instead, they might be talking aloud to themselves as a form of self-stimulation or comfort.

On the other hand, some autistic children might develop language more slowly or not use spoken words at all. It's important to remember that communication differences in autism don’t mean a lack of intelligence or connection. Instead, they may express themselves through gestures, scripts, or alternative forms of communication like AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication).

Social-Emotional Differences

Another key area where differences emerge is social-emotional development. One significant difference is in joint attention—how children share focus between objects and people. While neurotypical children often look at an object, glance back at a caregiver, and then back to the object (a back-and-forth referencing), autistic children may focus more on the object itself with less referencing.

It’s critical to understand that this isn’t a “deficit”; it’s simply a difference. Many autistic children are deeply engaged with what interests them but might not express that engagement in the ways we typically expect.

Additionally, autistic children often show differences in how they adjust to unfamiliar environments. They may feel much more comfortable in familiar settings and struggle with the unpredictability of new places. In contrast, some autistic children may show little to no stranger danger, approaching new people without hesitation—another important difference to note.

Finally, autistic children might have longer recovery times after getting upset. While neurotypical children can often be soothed within minutes, meltdowns for autistic children may last much longer as they process overwhelming emotions or sensory input.

Sensory Differences

Sensory differences are another hallmark of autism. These might include a strong need for intense sensory input, like body rocking, hand flapping, or turning lights on and off repeatedly. Many autistic children also enjoy looking at spinning objects, examining the details of toys up close, or watching things from different angles to satisfy sensory needs.

At the same time, some children are hypersensitive to sounds, textures, or certain types of input. For example, they may have strong reactions to loud noises like a blender or toilet flush, while others might seek constant movement to feel regulated.

Food preferences are another area where sensory differences are often evident. Many autistic children have a small range of foods they prefer and are resistant to trying new ones. For some parents, this is one of the first noticeable signs of autism.

Play Differences

Autistic children often engage with play differently than neurotypical peers. For example, they might have an intense love for letters, numbers, or specific topics, choosing toys or activities that align with those interests. This focus, known as monotropism, allows them to engage deeply with one activity for extended periods of time.

It’s important to note that interrupting their play can be particularly disruptive. Many autistic children have a plan in mind when they play, and shifting away from their focus may cause frustration or distress.

Another common characteristic is the preference for solitary play or parallel play rather than collaborative play. While neurotypical children might naturally shift into group play as they grow, autistic children may find joy in their own unique way of playing, whether it’s lining up toys, organizing objects, or engaging with repetitive activities.

Embracing and Supporting Differences

Autistic children have unique ways of communicating, socializing, experiencing sensory input, and playing. These differences are not deficits—they are part of who they are. By understanding these early signs and learning how to support these children in neurodiversity-affirming ways, we can create an environment where they can thrive.

Whether you’re a parent, educator, or therapist, being aware of these differences is the first step toward providing the support these kids need to shine.

I created a checklist of some of these characteristics that you might see in kids from birth to three. You can get your free Early Autism Characteristics Checklist here. 

If you are a therapist and want an expanded version of this checklist for all ages, check out our full Autism Characteristics Checklist in the NeuroAffirm Therapy Academy. 

The NeuroAffirm Therapy Academy is your one-stop-shop for all things neurodiversity affirming. 

When you join the ND Affirming Therapy Academy, you get trainings, live calls with our Autistic mentor, and unlimited CEUs. All the CEUs you need for a year, in everything ND affirming.

>> Click here to learn more about the NeuroAffirm Therapy Academy