Eye Contact & Autism - Do's and Don'ts

Let’s talk about eye contact. It’s one of those things that always seems to pop up in therapy goals—but should it?  

Forcing Autistic kids to make eye contact isn’t the magic social skills fix people think it is. 

In fact, it can do way more harm than good. 

So before setting another “eye contact” goal into your therapy plan, let’s break down why that might not be the move—and what we can do instead to support real, meaningful communication.

Common Eye Contact Goals (And Why They’re Problematic)

Traditional therapy goals often include:

☑️ Looking for three seconds

☑️ Making eye contact five times in a three-minute period

☑️ Displaying “appropriate” social skills, such as eye contact

☑️ Learning to look at a point on the face instead of direct eye contact

Sounds harmless, right? Nope. These goals completely ignore how Autistic people naturally communicate and function. And they come with some serious downsides.

The Harm of Forcing Eye Contact

For many Autistic individuals, making eye contact can feel physically painful or overwhelming. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Pushing it can:

💥 Teach masking—leading to identity struggles, burnout, and mental health issues

💥 Increase anxiety and depression (yes, even in young kids)

💥 Send the message that who they are isn’t enough

💥 Create relationships based on compliance instead of genuine connection

💥 Make social interactions exhausting instead of meaningful

Bottom line: Forcing eye contact ≠ better communication.

What We Need to Consider Instead

Autistic communication and attention look different—and we need to respect that. 

Eye contact is not required for listening (If it were, we’d have to stare at the radio to hear music!)

Joint attention in Autistic individuals often looks different from neurotypical norms

Maintaining eye contact can be physically uncomfortable and overwhelming

Too much sensory input can cause distress and increase anxiety

Focusing on eye contact can actually inhibit language processing, as the brain is working harder to maintain a gaze rather than process speech

When Is It Okay to Teach Looking?

While we shouldn’t force eye contact, there are times when it may be beneficial to teach looking as a reference point, such as:

✅ Looking up when their name is called (if they can)

✅ Checking in for safety (e.g., looking at a caregiver before crossing the street)

✅ Referencing something visually for understanding

Instead of forcing eye contact, let’s teach kids other ways to show they’re engaged:

✔️ Using gestures

✔️ Turning their body toward the speaker

✔️ Responding verbally or with AAC

The Bottom Line

Rather than focusing on neurotypical social norms, we should prioritize authentic and comfortable communication for Autistic individuals. By shifting our perspective on eye contact, we foster environments where Autistic kids can engage in ways that feel natural and meaningful to them—without pressure, discomfort, or forced masking.

So let’s drop the outdated, uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing eye contact goals and focus on authentic connection instead. Because every kid deserves to be accepted just as they are.

Want to Dive Deeper into Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy? Join The Speech Shift!

If you’re an SLP, SLPA, or therapist who’s ready to ditch outdated therapy strategies and actually support Autistic communication in a meaningful way, you need to be at The Speech Shift.

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✅ The biggest therapy mistakes we don’t even realize we’re making
✅ What truly neurodiversity-affirming therapy looks like (beyond just avoiding ABA tactics)
✅ Simple shifts you can make right now to better support your Autistic clients

It’s time to stop using goals that teach masking and start creating therapy sessions that actually empower kids.

Join us Feb 4th-10th at 12pm for 4 advanced trainings designed to help you step into the new era of speech therapy with neuroaffirming strategies you won’t find anywhere else

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